What Happened to Denial?

Pos nie sebenarnya I dah lama nak publish tapi dok pikir gak .. nak ke tak nak..

Beberapa hari yg lalu, I ada terima satu sms dari mak ketika tengah jalan2 dengan jambu kat Tasek Permaisuri.

Husin. Kamu pegi mana? Kamu jangan buat benda yg di kutuk dan dlaknat Allah. Allah maha mengetahui Jangan buat benda yg boleh merosakkan diri dan menyesal nanti. Kalau kamu sayangkan mak dan diri kamu berhenti lah dri melakukan pekara itu

I tak tahu nak buat apa. Biasanya I akan jawab dengan laser ataupun biarkan je.. tapi this time I cakap i mana ada buat benda2 macam tu... main innocent.. Nak jawab macam mana lagi.. pastu dia reply lagi

Kalau macam tu alhamdulilah. Mak takut apa belaku pada kamu. Mak tak boleh terima lagi benda yg negatif

I dah buat keputusan dah.... dah stabil je.. i kuar dari rumah.. infact, I dah start worry dah. my usual carefree attitude is tinged with "my mother wants me home by midnite" FUCK! I am 27 years old. I should have moved out years ago. I need a job fast. and I need to grow up.

oh btw if you didnt understand the message.. I'll try to translate it. Basically my mother gave me an sms while I was at a crusing park with a friend(with benefits). We were looking for a place to fool around. The sms asked where i was and told me not to do things that god hates and do not incur the wrath of god. Something along the lines of "You will rot in hell" if you do those things. Do not do things that would be damaging to yourself. and things that you will regret. God is allknowing. She said that if i love her and myself, I would stop doing things like that.

i replied that no, i wasnt doing anything. she said thank god if its like that. she says that she's worried about me and that she cannot take anymore negative things.



but the thing is... I am seriously flawed. Honestly. I know I am flawed and I dont know how to fix it. I am afraid I cannot control my reaction and things will be far worse. Honestly. I do not know how to love.